When talking about IBS or other health issues feels scary

If you live with a chronic health condition, you probably have experienced that feeling of overwhelm when asked about your health or when you feel you need to let others know about your diagnosis.

“I started dating and I don’t know how to bring up my health issues.”

"Talking about my GI symptoms is so awkward, no one wants to know!"

“What should I share with my new doctor when they only have 15 minutes to see me, I feel so rushed and I end up forgetting half of what I wanted to say?”

“I’m anticipating having to take some leave from work because of health issues, what should I say to my boss?”

“How much should I share? What exactly should I say? I can’t possibly give them my whole medical history!”

“If I say too much about my health at work, will I be given less opportunities?”

“What if I share too much and they freak out! Our relationship is so new.”

Sounds familiar?

Talking to others about chronic illness often brings up a lot of anxiety. Most people struggle to know how much to share about their health and where to even start. Yet, living with chronic health issues makes it very likely that you will need to share at least some information with some of the people in your life. You will need to communicate about your health needs with your medical providers to get appropriate care. You may need to share some information about your health at work if you anticipate needing some accommodations or leave. And you most likely need to fill in important people in your life about how you’re doing, as your health will impact many areas of your life. And most importantly, people care and want to be able to show up for you!

Obstacles to sharing about your IBS or chronic health issues

“People don't know what to say."

"I don’t want people to pity me”

“What if I scare them away”

“They’ll look at me differently”

“It’s awkward to talk about my IBS”

“I don’t want people to treat me differently”

One of the most common fears shared by those living with chronic illness is that people might treat them differently once they know about their health challenges. And it is a possibility. But it is also likely that most people can be allies if they know how to support you in a way that works for you. Before sharing information about your health with others, it can be helpful to ask yourself what you want them to know, and if the timing is right for you. 

Having an “elevator pitch” for your chronic illness allows you to feel more prepared when going into a situation where you need to share some information about your health. An elevator pitch provides the cliff note version of your medical history or chronic illness, and it is a tool that can feel empowering. Think of it as a way to communicate your needs to someone, and sharing some important information about yourself on your own terms. 

When might a chronic illness elevator pitch be helpful to talk about IBS or other health issues?

●      Having a cliff note version of your medical record for a new medical provider to advocate for yourself

●      Letting your new boss know of relevant health issues that might require certain accommodations, without going into details that you may not want to share

●      You recently started dating and it’s important for you to share about your health after a few dates if things are going well

Five key points to help you craft a good (enough) elevator pitch for your IBS or chronic illness:

1)    Keep it short(ish).

The idea is to highlight the important information that you want to convey at a given time. You can always provide more information later on if your needs change. The type of information you share will depend on your audience. But as a rule of thumb, and if you are going to share about your symptoms, it can help to describe the severity and frequency of the symptoms. A lot of people living with chronic illness also find that explaining their symptoms in terms of their impact on day-to-day functioning is often more helpful for others to understand rather than just telling them the diagnosis. For instance, saying that chronic migraines make it challenging for you to work a 9-5 job or get out of the house most days might be easier for someone to understand than explaining that you suffer from severe migraines. 

2)     Identify what you need 

This is in my opinion the most important thing you need to clarify before coming up with your elevator pitch. What do you need to get out of it? Who is your target audience? What do you want your doctor/boss/new boyfriend to retain from that pitch?

Do you need empathy or strategy?

It can help to have a few, slightly different versions of your elevator pitch. What you need to communicate to your health care provider in order to inform your treatment plan is different from what you need to get across to your boss prior to asking for a leave. Obviously, your doctor will benefit from a lot more medical details and jargon than your boss. 

3)    Let the other person know how they can help

You want to communicate how the other person can help support you. Of course, the type of support you need from your healthcare professional will be vastly different from what a friend or romantic partner can do to help. 

If you need emotional support, how can your partner help? Do you need a hug? Do you need to vent? Maybe you can let them know what has been helpful before to manage your symptoms (at work, in relationships, etc). Most people mean well but they may not know how to support you in a way that works for you, which may at times make it uncomfortable for you (cue feelings of pity from your boss or a friend). 

4)    Follow your own agenda

When sharing about your health, you can do it on your own terms! Having a chronic illness elevator pitch allows you to share only the information that you feel is relevant or important to meet your needs. People may ask follow up questions, but it’s always up to you to decide if sharing more would be helpful to you or would only satisfy the other person’s curiosity. It’s okay to set boundaries when sharing about yourself, whether you’re discussing your health or anything else. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing anything (more), you can let the other person know:

“This is something I would rather not discuss at this time.”

“Discussing my health in more details is not something I feel comfortable doing.” 

“I don’t want to share any more about my health.”

“I appreciate you showing interest. I don’t want to discuss my diagnosis.”

5)    Save your chronic illness elevator pitch somewhere readily accessible

Saving your chronic elevator pitch in a note on your phone can be helpful. You can access it anywhere, anytime! You can have a fully written pitch or a few bullet points to remind you of the information you want to share, and how to share it. Some people have found it helpful to email a new medical provider a summary of their health information ahead of their appointment or to have a printed document ready to hand to the provider on the day of to highlight important questions or details from their health history.   

Need a therapist to help you manage the anxiety of living with IBS or another chronic illness? I am a health psychologist in Miami, Florida and I can help you deal with stress and anxiety related to your health

Did you even know that was a thing?! I am a health psychologist and work primarily with adults who struggle with physical or medical issues and want to better manage them to improve their quality of life. In addition to CBT for IBS or chronic illness, I also provide  gut-directed hypnotherapy.

If you can’t find a chronic illness therapist near you, online therapy offers an excellent venue to engage in treatment for chronic illness. In fact, many of my current clients have opted for online counseling to find support with their IBS or other chronic illness. 

If you live in Miami or surrounding cities, in-person therapy is also an option!